6.27.2005

Ban Automobiles!

A repost from an article that I wrote for ca-rkba.com ...back when I was the webmaster there ...

Before you start sweating, let me make this perfectly clear; the following is satire. Anyone who takes it seriously needs a CAT scan. When one realizes that driving is a privilege, and not a right, then this article becomes scary.

Statistics obtained from the US Department of Transportation:
"There were 37,324 fatal automotive accidents in 1997 involving 57,060 vehicles."

Over 37K! Children are killing children! Violent deaths! All because of the evil, evil automobile! We heavily regulate the law-abiding citizen, impose stiff penalties for breaking the laws, and revoke driving privileges when necessary … yet the statistics get worse every year! The only way to stop all of these vehicles from continuing their murderous rampage is to ban them from our roads.

To this end, I propose that the entire population of the United States should become Amish. As the Amish have no automobiles of any kind, we can rest safely, knowing that our children will never have to worry about passing that grueling driver's exam.

Join the campaign! Everyone who signs up now will receive a buggy wheel, absolutely free!

If you want a society truly free of auto violence, then Ban Automobiles! Be Amish!

And before you go ripping me ...no ...I am not anti-Amish.

(By way of contrast yet another interesting statistic:
Ohio State University Extension - Food, Agricultural and Biological Engineering
590 Woody Hayes Dr., Columbus, Ohio 43210
From the factsheet, 'This Sign Means Caution - Driving Safely in Amish Country'
"Statistics show that more than 65% of all traffic deaths occur in rural areas and 50% of those deaths are on country roads. Ohio reports, on average, more than 120 buggy accidents per year.")

And, in conclusion:

Excerpt from the study, 'More Guns Equals Less Violent Crime'
by Professor John R. Lott, Jr.
University of Chicago Law School
"The number of accidental handgun deaths each year is fewer than 200."

Hmm.
Fewer than 200.

I feel FAR safer with a gun in my hand than I do a steering wheel.